As an artist for social change, artivist, my world revolves around
abstractions and distortions - creating characters, telling stories, and
bringing to life all manner of strange visions. Like a creative vision
springing from our mind, the ghosts of sexism make themselves manifest in
our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we create sexism in
our heads - rather I am saying that sexism is so deeply ingrained in our
brains that we sometimes get confused about whether these images are of
our creation or not.
I am asking women today, to identify the manifestations of sexism in your
own mind so that you may allow your reality to take shape. The images of
strength, love, hope, closeness, success, and all manner of good things
are what we are meant to embody.
Sexism’s ghosts exist all around us, we just have to pay attention. How
many times have I held my tongue, or twisted it so that my words barely
came out, just so I wouldn’t appear angry, or hysterical, or emotional?
In that moment I am fighting with a ‘me’ that doesn’t exist but that seems
so real. There she is, with a frazzled head of hair, half matted, big
bloodshot eyes, and wrinkled, rumpled, worn out clothes. This is who I
start to imagine myself turning into when I want to speak up, stand up,
get noticed. My ghost practically possesses my body as I begin to speak
and that woman, with those eyes, and that hair shoves the words back into
my mouth because if I speak them, I will turn into her. The truth is, she
is created by others, not by me, and she doesn’t exist anywhere.
I sincerely want happiness, closeness, a sense of pride in my work. I
want to be honest, smart, desirable to others, confident, sensitive,
emotionally connected, expressive and lively. But when I move in the
direction of my desires, sexist messages in my head line up to intercept.
Sometimes they are sent as gorgeous women dressed to the nines, with hot
bodies and perfect skin, hair and nails. They tell me to try and look a
little more like them and then I can say what I want, act how I want, do
what I feel. I have learned to see all these ghosts as what they are -
lingering voices of sexism installed in my head to isolate me, fragment my
power, and make me feel inadequate. I have to take notice of how they
act, what they say, and how I behave when they are around. When I see
them coming, I can push them away, tell them to shut up, and walk right
through them. All the while - I am living into the image of the “me I
want to be”. This is the me that will stand up to violence, talk about
sexism in our society, and hold others accountable for what isn’t being
addressed.
We can stop violence against women by rooting out the violence that still
lives in our minds. Identify those distortions in your brain and let them
know they are being evicted.
-
Kayhan Irani
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